What’s Fair?

I am not going to deny that I feel as though I have to be two types of mothers. I must teach, develop and inspire both my children to be amazing, self-sufficient adults. Empower them! However, I must do this in two very different ways. Autistic children do not respond to main stream teaching methods, so I must adapt my teaching style to the ways that Malik responds to. I’ve learned my son so well, that without verbal communication abilities I can understand and what it is that he is trying to get acrossed, and accomodate. I have been my son’s voice to communicate his thoughts and feelings to the world since I learned what it is that he was trying to say. What each vocal stem meant, each sound, each glance. I have made it a point to.

Jaylin also responds to unique teaching styles, that are very different from Malik’s. Jaylin just turned 2 1/2 years old and is being evaluated for her own special developmental delays (which is another story that we will get into later), and one of the hardest things that we have struggled with is making sure that both kids get treated fairly. Malik has some unique habits as far as food choices, times and amounts that he eats, betimes allowed, “allowable” tantrums and behaviors…it goes on and on. Although I know that there are speech delays and some behavioral issues that Jaylin is dealing with (whether its determined to be actual delays, or learned behaviors from Malik), I also know that there are separate expectations that I can have for her. This is a constant struggle to enforce and I know that I feel as though she is still a little too young to understand why there are different expectations and rules for her than Malik. What age should we expect them to be able to comprehend and properly enforce these? And until then, do I just have to struggle feeling as though I am an unfair and unjust parent?

Does anyone have any thoughts or ideas to help get through this time without feeling as though you have two separate set of standards for your children?


About From One Special Mother to Another

I am a mother of two special needs children. I understand both the stress and confusion that it takes to start and continue the process of getting your children the evaluations and assessments needed before and during school years. What I would like to do is provide information and support to parents either just starting, or continuing this process. While at the same time providing a place where other parents can ask questions, share information or just talk to parents who are dealing with similar situations.
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